Humorous rules for writing – additional rules
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with a point
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Remember to never split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalise.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.'
12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
23. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
24. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
25. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
Uncredited.
